A dreamer

(the content of this blogpost is what I REALLY wanted to write for the newsletter) 

I am a big fan of Jamiroquai’s first album. Seven Days in Sunny June is from their second (or is it third?) album. It sounds different from their songs on the first album. This one’s “groovier”. It sounds so happy…makes me want to dance (even if I don’t know how). Another reason why I love this song is because of its title–my ex significant other’s birthday falls on June 7 (you know—seven, June…uh, so there).

I’ve been thinking about my soulmate a lot lately. She’s been having a couple of really bad (and I mean REALLY bad!) days. I’ve been trying to come up with stuff to make her feel better, to make her smile–but somehow she just can’t get out of that really sticky web she’s caught in right now. My soulmate is a rainlover. She makes these rain wishes and she just loves those downpours. But lately, even the rain can’t lift her spirits up.

You know that Reo Speedwagon song, “In My Dreams”? Well, the first line of the song goes “there was a time sometime ago when every sunrise meant a sunny day.” The song’s right, you know–that was sometime ago, that was before–because nowadays, people are so cynical, so morose–people don’t have sunny days anymore

I don’t know where this article is going…I just felt the need to write–to think out loud…I should probably shut up now and just end this piece with some lovely quotable quotes I got from different sources. And to my soulmate–“Life has meaning only in the struggle. Triumph or defeat is in the hands of the gods. So let us celebrate the struggle.” When you stop fighting, you stop living. We all need that thing that’s worth fighting for–in this case, fight for your “life” soulmate!

“But now we speak with ruined tongues and the words we say aren’t meant for anyone, it’s just a mumbled sentence to a passing acquaintance but there was once you. You said you hate my suffering and you understood and you’d take care of me. You’d always be there, well, where are you now?” (Haligh, Haligh, A Lie by Bright Eyes)

“My friend who sleeps on my lap loves someone else…we argue until he grows tired of talking and sleeps on my lap on this chilly night. And I sigh, knowing he loves someone else but still sleeps gently on my lap, innocent, not knowing that I am here slaughtering one wicked wish that when he wakes up I shall be his dream.” (He Who Sleeps On My Lap by Ronald Baytan)

“I’m starting to fashion an idea in my head where I would impress you with every single word I said. Would come out insightful or brave or smooth or charming and you’d want to call me and I would be there every time you’d need me. I’d be there every time…but for now I’ll look so longingly waiting…for you to want me, for you to need me, for you to notice me.” (For You To Notice by Dashboard Confessional)

"How’s your sunset? Mine’s beautiful. I wish you were here to share it with me." (The Lake House)

Sayonara.

I heard this song over at K-Lite this morning. Sheesh, it’s been a long time…this song brings back a lot of memories from last year. It’s from the movie ‘A Lot Like Love’ which I saw with Yyoni on its first day of showing (right before the prayer meeting, hehehe). I just love Ashton Kutcher (I have this thing for guys who look stupid & are ridiculously gorgeous) and I thought he was just so hilarious when he sang ‘I’ll Be There For You’ by Bon Jovi. But I digress.

‘Brighter Than Sunshine’ is supposed to be a love song full of hope, a song of somebody so in love, but for some reason the melody sounds so sad, at least, to me. And it made me sad when I heard it this morning. Well probably because it’s Tree Hill night–and I’m just so full of angst on Tuesdays. Peyton and Lucas’ characters just give me that melancholic high which I used to get from Joey of Dawson’s Creek. And I just love that Peyton is a rocker chick and Lucas is a cutie who reads (not too many guys actually read books)–the quotable quotes I get from them are endless…

Lately I’ve been rooting for the other characters as well–Nathan for trying so hard to hide his true feelings for Haley…Haley for fighting for her love for Nathan…and Brooke who is secretly pining for Lucas ("…this is how I spent my summer, wanting you").

I’ve been pining for somebody since early this year–trying so hard to "hide my love away." But it gets so tiring…I’m beginning to lose my power to pretend My heart is breaking ‘coz some bimbo-looking girl stole the sun from my heart, aaaarrrrgggghhhh! Haaaayyyy, I need to get myself together…I might as well be chasin’ the wind.

Brighter Than Sunshine 

I never understood before
I never knew what love was for
My heart was broke, my head was sore
What a feeling

Tied up in ancient history
I didnt believe in destiny
I look up you’re standing next to me
What a feeling

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
Brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, i don’t care
I’m yours and suddenly you’re mine
Suddenly you’re mine
and it’s brighter than sunshine

I never saw it happening
I’d given up and given in
I just couldn’t take the hurt again
What a feeling

I didn’t have the strength to fight
suddenly you seemed so right
Me and you
What a feeling

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
It’s brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, I don’t care
I’m yours and suddenly you’re mine
Suddenly you’re mine

It’s brighter than the sun
It’s brighter than the sun
It’s brighter than the sun, sun, shine.

Love will remain a mystery
But give me your hand and you will see
Your heart is keeping time with me

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
It’s brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, I don’t care
I’m yours and suddenly you’re mine
Suddenly you’re mine

I got a feeling in my soul …(repeat chorus to end)

since my soulmate rok has been dedicating a lot of her lyrics postings to me, i am now posting these lyrics for her.  i have no idea how this song goes but it was "recommended" to me by a friend who definitely knows her music so i am trusting her good judgment.  this song is also dedicated to my grrrlfriends (jamie, isa ka don!) who have had their hearts broken by first-class jerks…geez, don’t i sound angry and bitter today? hehehehe :)  i’d like to end this short intro with a quote from the movie ‘that thing you do’–it was liv tyler’s character who said this line (with tears rolling down her lovely face)–"Shame on me for kissing you with my eyes tightly closed."  grrrlfriends, if you’re in a no-win relationship, please get out, NOW.

BEST THING YOU NEVER HAD

Hello how you doing?
What’s it like to ruin all my self esteem
Let me blow off some steam
For 5 years I’ve waited,
So why am I jaded to get back at you
What makes it cool

When you act like nothing ever happened
I feel like I should feel bad
But I can’t like someone who thought
They’re the only one that mattered
I hope that you’re flattered
Cause you broke this down
The best thing that you never had

And it seems like a loss somehow
My heart got lost on the way to my head
And my brain cells are dead
And the craziness shows
Now I start to go when the green turns to red
And I should be dead

When you act like nothing ever happened
I feel like I should feel bad
But I can’t like someone who thought
They’re the only one that mattered
While my heart got shattered like romantic roadkill
My heart is all splattered your ego got fatter
And I hope that you’re flattered
Cause you broke this down
The best thing that you never had

Like the toilet seat never got lifted
And I pissed on your confidence
When you weren’t around, how can that be?
Don’t turn this around
You were the one
Who drove my ass right to the ground

When you act like nothing ever happened
I feel like I should feel bad, and I can’t like

Someone who thought
They’re the only one that mattered
While my heart got shattered like romantic roadkill
My heart is all splattered your ego got fatter
And I hope that you’re flattered
Cause you broke this down
You broke this down
The best thing, the best thing,
The best thing that you never had

You never had…

i asked my soulmate to download this song for me–i remember this from way back (as in 1st year college!)…i also remember that RX was the only radio station that played this song…it brings back a lot of memories, one of those ‘matchstick in the liver songs’ (you get burned after being poked– right jamie?)…hay, i am the queen of unrequited love…i have this "gift" of falling for guys who are so damn afraid to say "i love you" and gets hives everytime you bring up the word "commitment", bwahahahahaha! alright, i’ll shut up and let chicago (minus peter cetera) do their thing…

Did the best I could
To make you mine
If you ever felt anything for me
Well, you never gave a sign

Thought time would make you change
Make you want me
But baby I never had a chance
Now I know that there’s just some things
Just not meant to be

CHORUS

No use
Making you care about me
No way
That I’m gonna win
Oh darlin’
I might as well be
Chasin’ the wind
Oh, I’m just
Chasin’ the wind

Opened up my heart
Let you inside
If love was what you were lookin’ for
Well, I guess it wasn’t mine

So I guess I better go
It’s over and done
But you know I’m not really sad at all
‘Cause you can’t really say it’s over
When it never had begun

CHORUS

Can’t reach the sea
If you can’t get past the sand
Can’t touch the sky
If you can’t reach up your hand
Can’t give if you give nothing back

–i’ve been seeing this movie a lot lately at star movies. it brings back a lot of fun memories :)  i fell in love with heath ledger in ‘a knight’s tale’ but i believe he was just so adorable in this movie especially when he sang ‘can’t take my eyes off you.’  enough of the blabber, here’s that angst-ridden poem from julia stiles.–

"i hate the way you talk to me and the way you cut your hair.  i hate the way you drive my car.  i hate it when you stare.  i hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind.  i hate you so much it makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme.  i hate the way you’re always right.  i hate it when you lie.  i hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry.  i hate it when you’re not around and the fact that you didn’t call.  but mostly i hate the way i don’t hate you–not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all."

"Although I know that I may have lost forever the woman I love, I must try to enjoy all the graces that God has given me today.  Grace cannot be hoarded.  There are no banks where it can be deposited to be used when I feel more at peace with myself.  If I do not make full use of these blessings, I will lose them forever.

God knows that we are all artists of life.  One day, he gives us a hammer with which to make sculptures, another day he gives us brushes and paints with which to make a picture, or paper and a pencil to write with.  But you cannot make a painitng with a hammer, or a sculpture with a paintbrush.  Therefore, however difficult it may be, I must accept today’s small blessings, even if they seem like curses because I am suffering and it’s a beautiful day, the sun is shining, and the children are singing in the street.  This is the only way I will manage to leave my pain behind and rebuild my life." - Paulo Coelho, "the Zahir"

the most important things are the hardest things to say. they are things you get ashamed of because words diminish them–words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out. but it’s more than that, isn’t it?

the most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried. like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. and you may make revelations that cost you dearly. only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all or why you thought it was important that you cried while you were saying it.

that’s the worst. when the secret stays locked within, not for want of a teller, but for want of an understanding ear.

- stephen king

this song has been playing over and over and over in my mind…another LSS! bwahahahaha :)  i’ve always loved nickelback especially chad kroeger (thanks, mylinda!). it’s a lovely song–a true blue rock ballad…

Far Away

this time, this place

misused, mistakes

too long, too late

who was i to make you wait

just one chance

just one breath

just in case there’s just one left

’cause you know, you know, you know…

Chorus:

that i love you

i have loved you all along

and i miss you

been far away for far too long

i keep dreaming you’ll be with me

and you’ll never go

stop breathing

if i don’t see you anymore

on my knees, i’ll ask

last chance for one last dance

cause with you, i’d withstand

all of hell to hold your hand

i’d give it all

i’d give for us

give anything but i won’t give up

cause you know, you know, you know… (chorus)

so far away, been far away for far too long

so far away, been far away for far too long

but you know, you know, you know…

i wanted, i wanted you to stay

cause i needed, i need to hear you say

that i love you, i have loved you all along

and i forgive you for being away for far too long

so keep breathing, cause i’m not leaving

hold on to me and never let me go